The Crabby Librarian's Bus Blog

fluids

2009-03-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

On occasion, I take a shuttle bus home, this shuttle bus is a big, orange school bus. Some of these school buses are on regular routes picking up small children in the morning/afternoon, then pulling double duty as a university people mover in the evening.

as a result of this, there are sometimes funny lists of rules for the kids, and things like that, but also, sometimes I board a bus that has a 'Body Fluid Cleanup' kit.

I find this mildly disturbing. just sayin'

*

The Crabby Librarian

bus-ted

2009-01-13T05:29:00.000-08:00

from the local paper, The Ottawa Citizen:

"Any hope for a quick end to Ottawa’s 35-day-old transit strike was dashed Monday, and it’s not clear when negotiations between the municipality and the Amalgamated Transit Union will begin again."

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

*blinding bus rage takes hold of michelle*

can't...speak...so...frustrated...and...angry...

***

For the full article, please follow this link.

Thank-you and have a good day.

Nine

2008-06-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

hey lady...

I was getting up, you saw me getting up to let you out, because we were nearly at your stop...but...we weren't quite there...

so, shoving past me while I'm only halfway moved, while the bus is still in motion, causing you to lurch and fall on my lap and then still, Still climbing over me to get out..was a bit unnecessary.

I have no intentions of keeping anyone trapped on the bus, I don't want to make you late for work...or the Tim Horton's line.

Wait an effing minute and I'll let you out next time..or, oh wait, there won't be a next time because I'm never sitting next to you again.

Love,
The Crabby Librarian

Notes...

2008-05-28T06:40:00.002-07:00

My other blog persona "Michelle", as opposed to this blog's persona "Crabby Michelle" (oh who am I kidding, they're both crabby), sometimes posts her complaints using a format called 'Notes to the World', which is a really passive-aggressive way of whining; and so I thought, why hadn't I done that here?

Notes to the Transit World

* To the young man this morning waiting at the bus stop behind me, the traditional instructions for cologne application are as follows: open bottle, sprinkle on scent, go out and face the world.

I think you misread these instructions as: open bottle, pour into bathtub, dive in, go out and face the world, stinking like a vegas lounge. No one finds that attractive and they certainly do not want to board a bus (a fun enclosed kinda space) with you.

* To the HSR, yes, I am addressing you as if you are an entity with thoughts and feelings; you might want to think about occasionally hosing down the inside of your buses..usually I'm not that bothered, but this morning, my bus was Dir-ty...there was no surface I wanted to touch, lean on or let alone sit on and it doesn't make for a pleasant ride.

Fantastic does wonders, really, and those Mr. Clean Erasers..amazing.

* To the highschool student who was texting so furiously that your elbows impeded me caused the complete ruination of a potentially record breaking high score in Tetris: what could possibly be that important at 8:30 in the morning..? Seriously? You're going to school, nothing exciting is happening there. Trust me.

Thank-you for coming out, until next we meet.

The Crabby Librarian

Eight

2008-05-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

Time of Day: Morning

Journey: Home ---> Work

ipod: The Verve

Situation: I get on the bus, I move to the back and I sit down. You get on the bus, and you stop, three inches past the yellow line at the very front, there are seats, room to stand in the middle and at the back, but you station yourself like a sentry at the very front.

Why it's annoying:

Standy McNoMove, who I assume must be a friend of yours, gets on about 2 stops after you, and stands on the other side of the bus entrance, making it nearly impossible for people to get by..and so we wait, at every stop, for people to file through and the driver won't leave until we get people on the bus.

Why do you stand there!?!

What the hell is wrong with you!

I will step on your foot the next time this happens.

The Crabby Librarian

Seven

2008-04-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

Time of Day: Morning

Journey: Home ---> Work

ipod: Foo Fighters

Situation: I left early, to catch the earlier bus, to get to work early. See a theme? I get on the express bus and settle in, outside it begins to pour. We stop downtown, half the bus empties out, and I am left with the usual students. The bus driver gets up and informs us that this bus will not be completing its journey to the school today, it is now out of order, please go catch another.

Why it's annoying:

It's Pouring out. We stand and wait, another bus comes, I board it, but it's not an express. We trundle towards campus only to see another express bus fly by. I check my watch, it's the express bus I would have been on normally, had I left home later.

I got to work 5 minutes later than I would on a usual day.

That did not make me Early.

But it did make me crabby.

The Crabby Librarian

Six

2008-03-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

Time of Day: Afternoon

Journey: Mall ---> Home

Situation: A passenger, clearly fresh from work, gets on the bus with several bags, including one from the LCBO. Every couple of minutes, he fishes a cranberry tinted bottle of Bacardi Breezer out of the bag, to take a swig.

Why it's annoying:

It's the middle of the afternoon, you're on a bus and you're drinking Bacardi Breezer's...really?

The bus is unpleasant enough without a drunken party at the back, in the middle of the afternoon!

Wait until you get home and man up; buy a less girly drink!

The Crabby Librarian

I should really just close my eyes and sleep

2008-03-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

Dateline, this morning, 8:30AM.

Back of the bus, she takes out the bag, she considers it...and then goes for it.

She opens the large bag of Skittles at 8:30AM and dumps the entire thing in her mouth.

Good morning indeed.

***

Dateline, this morning, 8:35AM

Back of the bus, or Nearly the back. He looks behind him, considers it, then stays put.

He is a smarmy bastard, you can tell by looking at him, and he moves up the stairs, but not directly to the back, we could have fit more people, 6 more...instead we left them at the stop. But McSmarmy didn't scuff his shoes, so it worked out alright.

***

The Crabby Librarian

A Public Service Message - Commuting

2008-03-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

Stop...staring...at...me.

Please and thank-you.

It's impolite and it kinda freaks me out, but mostly, mostly it bugs me.

I am not one to be trifled with, I'm crabby and not afraid to show it.

The Crabby Librarian

Five

2008-02-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

Time of Day: Evening

Journey: Library ---> Home

ipod: Linkin Park

Situation: Our bus is traveling along a side street with cars parked on either side, it's pretty tight and suddenly a taxi pulls up in front of the bus, stops and two girls emerge and begin to unload their groceries.

Why it's annoying:

The bus cannot go around the taxi, it can only wait until the girls have finished unloading their groceries, this takes about 3 minutes, then, they have to pay the cab driver, all the while, I am not getting any closer to home.

I want to go home. Don't smile at the driver and wave the bags at her through the windshield, it's not cute. Hurry up, or I'm gonna take your cookies.

The Crabby Librarian

Four

2008-01-22T06:54:00.000-08:00

Time of Day: Evening

Journey: Library ---> Home

ipod: The shins

Situation: Clearly a victim of failed Nascar dreams, my bus driver barrels through the slick streets with the ferocity of a soon-to-be father driving his wife to hospital, however, there are, occasionally, funny little things called stop lights, that cause the bus to halt...very quickly.

Why it's annoying:

Every time Speedy McGee slams on his breaks to stop, everyone on the bus flies forward and some of them, namely me, slam their knees into the seat in front of them and then slam their spine into their own seat when he takes flight once again.

I'm pretty frail for a 26 year old and frankly my body can't handle this kind of abuse. Nor can the bodies of those brave souls attempting to exit the bus, who, upon standing, are whipped across the length of the bus.

I do want to get home, but I also want to be able to walk to my door once I get off the Japanese Bullet Train I've inadvertently boarded.

The Crabby Librarian

Guest Spot Two: The Professor Strikes Again

2008-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

Time of Day: Morning

Journey: Home ---> School

ipod: Cindy Davis

Situation: The bus takes on a type of heat at is reminiscent of what I'd like to think hell might feel like.

Why it's annoying: Given the, once again, recent drop in temperature, most of us bundle up for the walk to/wait for the bus. Depending on the temperature, said outfit can include multiple sweaters, long johns, and many socks.

While one might be cozy and happy whilst waiting for the bus, getting on the overheated hellhole that is the transit commission is a sweaty nightmare. Fine. I get it. It's cold outside, and the bus is nice and toasty. Thank you for even turning the bus on.

BUT your judgment in temperature has a couple of problems: 1) I am uncomfortably hot in many layers and beginning to sweat. Sweating on the nice warm bus = freezing in the cold air when I exit.

2) I am not the only one who feels a little too warm...clearly the person beside me who is emanating the stench of body odor is having a similar problem except he/she does not believe in the radical new concept called "deodorant" [note: perhaps this should be a memo to people to shower before getting on the bus in the morning].

3) Heat makes me sleepy. In other news, students are back to skipping classes and I can sit again.

The Crabby Professor

Three

2008-01-17T14:51:00.000-08:00

Time of Day: Afternoon

Journey: Library ---> Home

ipod: something from Rent!

Situation: The bus stops, passengers disembark, the bus driver closes the doors, and prepares to leave, stopping after merely achieving a one inch lurch away from the curve, because as soon as the doors closed, another passenger prematurely rang the bell, to signal the next stop. But the bus driver thinks he's missed letting someone off.

Why it's annoying:

This is a little thing, but it drives me batty. I want to take the offending passenger by the shoulders, look them squarely in the face and say in a clear, calm voice: Wait until he pulls away, jackass. When you ring the bell so quickly (you and all the other idiots that do this), the driver thinks someone has missed their stop. And in your eagerness to get off the bus at the Next stop, you have actually made the trip longer, while he stops, opens the doors, and waits, then calls to crowd "did someone want off?"

Imagine how much time we are wasting while you and your eager counterparts prematurely ring bells all over the damn city. Drives me batty!

The Crabby Librarian

Guest Spot One: Professor O-Town

2008-01-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not the only one who rides the bus...The Crabby Librarian proudly presents:

The Crabby Professor, MLIS

Preface

For students, the beginning of January means the return of classes, the renewing of friendships, and the general mirth of being able to get drunk Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night with their scantily-clad counterparts. Now, for those of us who work (albeit for the education system and operate on a similar schedule) January means the start of a new term and the beginning of the nauseating bus issues that we had hoped to have left behind in September.

So, I walk to the bus on a warm(ish) Wednesday morning (thank you global warming for making January feel like May) around 7am. I start teaching at 8am, so my behaviour is neither unusual nor out of sync from last term. As the bus comes ambling to a halt in front of me, I notice that it is unusually full. Thought #1: Crap. Thought #2: I have to get to work somehow, so I might as well suck it up. Thought #3: I now understand why Michelle hates riding the bus with the fiery passion of a thousand suns (Ed note: yep, it's about 1000) and thus the reason for this post. So I give you…

Time of Day: Too early in the morning

Journey: Home to Work

iPod: In Rainbows (Ed note: Nice choice, good bus music)

Situation: a) I am standing at the front of the overly crowded bus, an irate (and probably sleep deprived) bus driver is refusing to move the bus until people move back, and, of course, people refuse to move. Added to this, my bag is heavy and the bus is too hot. b) When getting off the bus, people who have been sitting shove me in an effort to quickly exit.

Why it’s annoying:

a) Move the F*$@ back! The bus driver means it when he says he’s not going anywhere (Ed note: damn right..unfortunately). When I can push you out of the way (yes…I was quickly losing patience) and navigate my way fairly successfully to the back of the bus where this is a crapload of room, you are clearly demonstrating that you are either stupid, lazy, or incapable to being mature enough to stand beside your peers so other people can get where they need to go too.

Few people *love* riding the bus. We’d all rather be driving for the most part, so suck it up, move it on back, and don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

The heavy bag I can’t do anything about, nor can I do anything about the heat, so I won’t complain about those.

b) You did not just spend the last 15-20minute standing, carrying your heavy bag (which, yes, I put down after awhile because the pain in my arm was greater than my revulsion at the dirty bus floor), so you are not allowed to get off the bus first. The ostensible reward for having to stand for so long means that I get to get off the bus first, away from your sleepy, dead eyes (Ed note: LOL!). So, when the bus stops at the final destination, do not attempt to stand; instead, move out of my way, and let me off the bus.

The lesson? Go back to skipping your classes (Ed note: amen!), so I can sit on the bus, have a nice ride to work, and be cheerful for my 8am class. Don’t put on pretensions that you’ll actually attend your classes for the duration of the term. Fourteen weeks is clearly too much for you to handle. Go back to sleep. We’ll all be happier for it.

The Crabby Professor, MLIS

Classic Scene A

2008-01-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

I have been asked to bring on the classics and I agree, this blog cannot exist without them, so here I present to you:

Disease on Public Transit: A Story

A female passenger boards my 1st bus, sits down and opens the window, this normally wouldn't be an odd occurrence, except that it's -10 outside...ah well, just a strange woman.

We both get off and proceed to the 2nd bus, the bus is beyond packed, I am up at the front pressed against the windshield, a few people get off at the next stop, we all move back a bit.

Stopped in front of an elderly lady sitting with her friend...the opinionated lady asks the older lady to please open the window above her head...the older woman says "oh goodness no! it's so cold!"

Opinionated lady says: "Can you just open it!"

Older Lady: "No! it's cold!"

Opinionated lady: "I don't want to get Tuberculosis...there are spores in the air, heat rises, this is a breeding ground, open the window!"

Older Lady: "If I open the window I will get sick from the cold draft...there are no spores on this bus!"

Opinionated lady: "I work at the hospital, you need to educate yourself..TB is back...we are going to get sick and die because of the germs on the bus!"

Older Lady: "Then why are you taking the bus! get off!"

Opinionated Lady: "I paid, this bus is fine, as long as we ventilate it...look at the steam up the windows! Put up your damn hood if you're cold! I paid my fare!"

Older Lady: "I should not have to bundle up on the bus..."

Opinionated Lady: "put up your f*$king hood...there are heaters...educate yourself!"

Bus driver: "Please don't swear, calm down ladies."

He stops, people get off and everyone moves back. Opinionated Lady stays put and opens the window directly above the Older Lady's head, at this point I have turned off my ipod so I can hear all the nitty gritty.

Older Lady: "You are going to freeze us all."

Opinionated Lady: " I have every right to open that window, I'm smarter and know more about this, look at SARS, remember SARS! It spread fast, TB is the same, I'm not getting sick on a bus because of you, you old bitty."

Older Lady: "You are very rude"

Lady beside older lady: "Yes, could you stop being so rude."

Student: "Yeah shut the f*$k up, there are other people on this bus!"

Opinionated Lady: "You're just an old fuddy duddy, I paid my fare! Educate yourself! Put up your fucking hood!!!" (getting rather maniacal)

Bus Driver: "Please stop the language, I don't know who is angry at whom, but you are making this trip bad for everyone..enjoy the ride..have some fun!" (Ed: I'm not kidding, he said that)

Opinionated Lady: "I work at the hospital, I know about spores, we were face to face, this old lady has a seat, you are lower down, germs and heat rise, everyone standing up is at risk!"

Older Lady: "don't take the bus!"

Opinionated Lady: "I will take the fucking bus!"

At this point there are shouts from the back of the bus, murmurs from the rest of the crowd, mostly siding with the old lady, the student starts in on the opinionated lady...and mercifully the bus makes one of its main stops, which is apparently where the spore free hospital is located.

Opinionated lady gets off the bus, and calls behind her: "have a nice day!"; the student (who might be my hero) closes the window and a cheer goes up from the crowd.

The passengers spend the remainder of the ride to the school discussing the pros and cons of spores vs cold.

The End.

ED: I may have coughed a little after the fact and made the girl beside me look Very nervous.

The Crabby Librarian

Two

2008-01-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

Time of Day: Morning

Journey: Home ---> Library

ipod: Once Soundtrack

Situation: When I am standing directly beside the bus pole, with my pass in my hand and the bus pulls up directly in front of me, that is a sure signal, to cut me off and board the bus first.

Why it's annoying:

I had my pass out, you had to dig in your pocket for 2 min to find the correct change.
I could have been sitting the whole time you were looking.
The guy behind me Really wanted to get on the bus.

Tomorrow I'm going to stand on the edge of the curb.

The Crabby Librarian

One

2008-01-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

Time of day: Evening

Journey: Library ---> Home

ipod: Dear Prudence

Situation: A youngish university student couple continually makes out, tickles each other and.....gauhhhh rubs...noses directly in front of my face.

Why it's annoying:

You are not cute, no one is amused.
There are much more appropriate places to do that kinda thing.
If I'm not making out on the bus, no one else gets to make out on the bus.

Rubbing...noses....really? Really!?!

The Crabby Librarian