Classic Scene A

I have been asked to bring on the classics and I agree, this blog cannot exist without them, so here I present to you:

Disease on Public Transit: A Story

A female passenger boards my 1st bus, sits down and opens the window, this normally wouldn't be an odd occurrence, except that it's -10 outside...ah well, just a strange woman.

We both get off and proceed to the 2nd bus, the bus is beyond packed, I am up at the front pressed against the windshield, a few people get off at the next stop, we all move back a bit.

Stopped in front of an elderly lady sitting with her friend...the opinionated lady asks the older lady to please open the window above her head...the older woman says "oh goodness no! it's so cold!"

Opinionated lady says: "Can you just open it!"

Older Lady: "No! it's cold!"

Opinionated lady: "I don't want to get Tuberculosis...there are spores in the air, heat rises, this is a breeding ground, open the window!"

Older Lady: "If I open the window I will get sick from the cold draft...there are no spores on this bus!"

Opinionated lady: "I work at the hospital, you need to educate yourself..TB is back...we are going to get sick and die because of the germs on the bus!"

Older Lady: "Then why are you taking the bus! get off!"

Opinionated Lady: "I paid, this bus is fine, as long as we ventilate it...look at the steam up the windows! Put up your damn hood if you're cold! I paid my fare!"

Older Lady: "I should not have to bundle up on the bus..."

Opinionated Lady: "put up your f*$king hood...there are heaters...educate yourself!"

Bus driver: "Please don't swear, calm down ladies."

He stops, people get off and everyone moves back. Opinionated Lady stays put and opens the window directly above the Older Lady's head, at this point I have turned off my ipod so I can hear all the nitty gritty.

Older Lady: "You are going to freeze us all."

Opinionated Lady: " I have every right to open that window, I'm smarter and know more about this, look at SARS, remember SARS! It spread fast, TB is the same, I'm not getting sick on a bus because of you, you old bitty."

Older Lady: "You are very rude"

Lady beside older lady: "Yes, could you stop being so rude."

Student: "Yeah shut the f*$k up, there are other people on this bus!"

Opinionated Lady: "You're just an old fuddy duddy, I paid my fare! Educate yourself! Put up your fucking hood!!!" (getting rather maniacal)

Bus Driver: "Please stop the language, I don't know who is angry at whom, but you are making this trip bad for everyone..enjoy the ride..have some fun!" (Ed: I'm not kidding, he said that)

Opinionated Lady: "I work at the hospital, I know about spores, we were face to face, this old lady has a seat, you are lower down, germs and heat rise, everyone standing up is at risk!"

Older Lady: "don't take the bus!"

Opinionated Lady: "I will take the fucking bus!"

At this point there are shouts from the back of the bus, murmurs from the rest of the crowd, mostly siding with the old lady, the student starts in on the opinionated lady...and mercifully the bus makes one of its main stops, which is apparently where the spore free hospital is located.

Opinionated lady gets off the bus, and calls behind her: "have a nice day!"; the student (who might be my hero) closes the window and a cheer goes up from the crowd.

The passengers spend the remainder of the ride to the school discussing the pros and cons of spores vs cold.

The End.

ED: I may have coughed a little after the fact and made the girl beside me look Very nervous.


The Crabby Librarian